511: Between Firefights and Faith, Lessons From Ramadi to Recovery. With Ben Sledge.

Army veteran Ben Sledge shares his experiences from combat in Afghanistan and Ramadi, detailing his struggles with mental health and moral injury upon returning home, and his journey toward healing and finding purpose in helping other veterans.

• War's dehumanizing effects can lead to profound moral injury, requiring authentic self-reflection and support for healing.

• Reintegration into civilian life presents significant challenges, often exacerbated by a lack of understanding and support systems for veterans.

• Finding a new mission, a supportive community, and spiritual grounding is crucial for veterans to overcome post-war struggles and build a purposeful life.

Ben Sledge, a decorated Army veteran who served in Afghanistan and the Battle of Ramadi, recounts his combat experiences and the profound impact of war, including personal trauma and moral injury. His journey highlights the challenges of reintegrating into civilian life, grappling with loss and a period of self-destruction, and ultimately finding a path to healing through therapy, community, and dedicating himself to supporting fellow veterans.

Early Life and Compassion

• 00:04:53 Ben Sledge's upbringing in Oklahoma was shaped by his father, a male nurse ostracized for working in an AIDS ward during the epidemic's early days. This experience, including social shunning and playground scuffles, instilled in Sledge a deep sense of compassion for marginalized individuals, contrasting with the often judgmental and materialistic attitudes he observed in some religious communities.

Questioning Faith and Identity

• 00:08:48 Sledge describes a disillusionment with the superficiality and hypocrisy he witnessed in the 1980s and '90s church culture, characterized by 'satanic panic' over metal music and prosperity gospel. His journey to find an authentic identity led him away from metalhead subculture to conform to popular trends, only to realize true acceptance came from within and through genuine connections, not external validation.

Joining the Army and Initial Fears

• 00:25:06 Motivated by a desire to escape Oklahoma and inspired by family military history, Sledge joined the Army Reserves Special Operations Detachment at 18, drawn by the perceived 'coolness' of special operations. Despite initially being a 'shammer' and fearful of deployment, a pivotal conversation with his mentor, Sergeant Paul 'Gonzo' Gonzalez, instilled in him the understanding that true courage is acting despite fear, prompting him to embrace his mission.

Civil Affairs Mission in Afghanistan

• 00:35:58 Sledge’s role in civil affairs and psychological operations in Afghanistan involved understanding the complex geopolitics, history, and culture of local populations to 'win hearts and minds.' This mission required building rapport with indigenous groups and facilitating reconstruction efforts to stabilize areas, a nuanced approach often misunderstood by conventional forces who sometimes relied solely on financial incentives for intelligence, leading to flawed outcomes.

Desensitization and Moral Injury

• 01:12:12 During his deployment, Sledge experienced a profound desensitization to death and destruction, leading to jadedness and even malicious behavior towards local civilians, including children. This 'hypocrisy' stemmed from the military's psychological conditioning to dehumanize the enemy, causing significant moral injury as his actions conflicted with his inherent sense of right and wrong. Gonzo's indirect leadership helped Sledge confront this growing internal conflict.

Trauma and Complicity in Combat

• 01:43:09 Sledge reflects on deeply traumatic combat experiences, including being caught in a minefield and his role in using an interpreter to test for mines. He also recounts the profound regret over his last words to his friend Kyle, who died shortly after Sledge told him to 'make peace with death.' These moments underscore the moral compromises and intense psychological burden of warfare, leading to lasting guilt and a sense of personal failure.

Return Home and Post-War Struggles

• 02:29:18 Returning home, Sledge faced a 'total nightmare' of personal struggles, including divorce and a period of addiction fueled by self-medication for unaddressed trauma. He grappled with suicidal ideation, realizing that his suffering was a victory for the very forces he fought. This period revealed the critical difference between PTSD and moral injury—the shame and psychological damage from violating one's ethical code in war.

Finding Healing and New Mission

• 02:51:12 Sledge found a path to healing through an unexpected spiritual journey, connecting with a supportive community and opening up about his war experiences with a friend who understood suffering. This allowed him to process his moral injuries and embrace vulnerability. He now dedicates himself to helping other veterans, emphasizing the importance of finding a 'new mission,' a supportive 'tribe,' and spiritual grounding to navigate post-military life, turning his personal struggles into a source of mentorship and advocacy.